Dead or alive ?

I really wanna cry.
My life makes no sense, seriously I don't know what to do anymore to feel loved, nobody cares about me. 
I miss my best friend and my boyfriend, obviously he doesn't, girls, girls and more girls, he doesn't need me.
Yesterday he told me he hasn't talked to me in a few days because he was not feeling okay, he was angry at his younger brothers, they were making him go insane, I understand that, I really do. What I don't understand is that he has been talking to girls, it's totally fine. I don't give a shit, I'm done trying and suffering, I'm fucking done.
I feel dead you know the feeling ? I fell like nobody needs me, nobody cares about me and nobody wants me.
So I'm just listening to Avril Lavigne, and drown my sorrows.
Am I even alive ?  Who cares anyway ...